Tips for first-time sex toy users
I was 22 when I tried my first sex toy.
The experience came about through a college internship I had stumbled upon by chance, reviewing toys, pornography, and other sexual paraphernalia for an adult dating site. At the time, I'd only had one sexual partner, and he turned out to be sexually and emotionally abusive. In fact, he'd forced me to have my first penetrative sex experience. Since the dissolution of that relationship, I'd avoided sexual intimacy.
So, believe me when I tell you that, in terms of writing about sex, I was a little off.
The first toy I chose, from a drawer full of toys, was a bright purple double-ended dildo. I had no idea it was a couples toy, meant for two people to use at the same time. As a single person who hadn't had sex with anyone else, you can probably guess what it was like.
My second experience, with a small, waterproof clitoral vibrator, was much better. After that, I became something of a vibrator evangelist. My only regret is that it took me so long to take control of my own sexual pleasure.
The glories of sex toys
While sex toys aren't necessary for play, they can be helpful in several ways. They can allow you to explore and discover the places and sensations that give you pleasure. They can be useful when your hand isn't long enough and you want an orgasm NOW. They can be a nice complement to partner play, a way to mix things up, or a means of receiving additional stimulation. They can be an aid to stress relief.
But if you've never tried a sex toy before, how do you know where to start?
Consider the type of stimulation you enjoy
There are many different types of sex toys. A LOT. But a good starting point when choosing a toy is to ask yourself: What makes me feel good?
To start, do you prefer penetrative or non-penetrative stimulation?
If you like penetration, there are plenty of toys to choose from, smooth, ribbed, and in every color of the rainbow. If you're interested in anal play You'll need one with a flared base or, if you want to start smaller, a pair of anal beads. Other penetration toys are curved specifically for G-spot or prostate stimulation. And, of course, there are countless other penis-shaped dildos that can be used for vaginal penetration. If there's a certain button you want to push, you can bet there's a toy that will satisfy your needs.
On the other hand, if you are looking for external stimulation, a clitoral vibrator may be more suitable for you, although you don't have to limit yourself to clitoral play. Toys like these give you a wonderful opportunity to discover additional erogenous zones. Run them along your inner thighs, along your nipples, and anywhere else you think the vibration might be pleasurable.
And, of course, there are toys, like dual-action “rabbit vibrators ,” that let you experience penetration while also providing direct clitoral stimulation. After all, even if you love penetrative intercourse, you might enjoy some extra stimulation. (::raises hand::)
And I don't want to leave out those readers who own a penis! If you're looking for something to enhance your solo play, a masturbation sleeve might be just what you need.
To vibrate… or not to vibrate
You should also consider whether you want your toy to vibrate or not. Your vaginal toy may vibrate... or it may not. The same goes for cock rings and nipple clamps. Do the vibrations intensify your experience or are they too intense?
And if you're looking for good vibrations, do you want something simple or do you prefer all the features? Some vibrators offer different speeds, intensities, and patterns. Others let you program your favorite patterns. Some are designed to cradle your most erogenous zones, while others are geared toward direct stimulation.
And, well, how discreet should your toy be? I've tried small clitoral vibrators that made a sound as loud as a weed whacker. If you'd rather not let anyone at home know you're masturbating, you might want to make sure the toy you choose has quieter vibrations. Checking product descriptions and customer reviews should give you an idea of what you're in for in terms of volume.
Check out other features
If you're looking for a vibrator, you'll notice that some are battery-operated, while others come with a USB cable for recharging. These rechargeable vibrators are often more expensive in the short term, but in the long run, you'll save on battery replacement costs and also have the added satisfaction (sorry, not sorry) of knowing you've chosen the most environmentally friendly option.
Also consider where you plan to use the toy. If you plan to take it into the bathtub, it should be waterproof.
Finally, consider the materials used to make your toy. Body-safe materials include medical-grade silicone, glass, and stainless steel. Since there are no regulations for sex toys in the U.S., it's up to you to ensure your toy isn't made of a material that could be toxic to your body .
Using toys to play as a couple
Of course, you can use any of the toys mentioned above with your partner, but there are also a number of toys designed specifically for couples play (and not just that ill-fated double dildo I tried to review 20 years ago).
Some toys, for example, come with a remote control, allowing one partner to "use" the toy while the other controls the speed and intensity of its vibrations. There are C-shaped vibrating rings, which are designed to be worn at the base of the penis (and sometimes on the testicles) to make an erection last longer while also providing clitoral stimulation during penetrative intercourse. There are strap-on dildos for those who want to penetrate their partner but don't have a penis of their own.
Talk to your partner about what you'd both like most and choose something together!
Don't forget this important ingredient
And of course, the perfect complement to any sex toy is a bottle of personal lubricant. . There are also a wide variety of lubricants, from water-based to oil-based, silicone-based to cotton candy-flavored. The most important thing to remember is that oil-based lubricants should never be used with latex condoms, and that you need to be careful when using silicone lubricants with certain toys, as the toy may experience slight swelling or deterioration, making it difficult to clean . Keep in mind that Pure Romance silicone toys use a premium material that works well with their silicone lubricant .
If you're feeling overwhelmed, you can always take this handy quiz to determine which lubricant is best for you. .
Happy shopping!
If all of this seems... a bit much, I understand. I really do. It's enough to make anyone curl up in a corner, filled with despair and sexual frustration, or, on the contrary, throw up their hands and buy EVERYTHING THERE. (::coughcough:: Who, me?)
Fortunately, there are opportunities to purchase toys, places where you can handle them, get a better idea of how they feel in your hand, and how intense the vibrations can be. And, since I know many of us are more comfortable shopping online, you can start with some toys in person—a Pure Romance party may be just the ticket! If you and your friends like the idea of a small get-together, give your partner a chance to show you toys and other must-have sex toys.
Happy shopping everyone! I can't wait to hear how your first time went! !