BREAKING DOWN THE FIVE TYPES OF INTIMACY
There are many words that people use when talking about intimacy.
Love. Sparks. Romance. Butterflies. Sex.
We're all familiar with these types of words, and most of us have probably used them all (and more) to describe a particular relationship, date, or moment. But intimacy goes much deeper, and it's important to consider all types of intimacy when trying to build and maintain a serious relationship. Psychologists say there are five types of intimacy you should have in a successful relationship.
So let's delve into intimacy and see what it takes to create something lasting.
Physical intimacy
For many people, when they hear the word intimacy, the first thing that comes to mind is physicality. And for most, physical intimacy is just another word for sex. I mean, it makes sense: sex is literally the closest you can get to another person. But physical intimacy goes way beyond sex. Touching, kissing, hugging, holding hands, cuddling on the couch—these are all important ways to have physical contact with a partner outside of sexual interaction.
Physical contact releases oxytocin, the "happiness hormone," into your system. As its nickname suggests, oxytocin makes you feel good. That's why physical intimacy can help strengthen feelings, foster more positive communication, and help forge longer-lasting bonds between couples.
Exploring this breadth of physical intimacy is essential to maintaining a healthy and happy relationship. Engage in physical intimacy every day to strengthen your relationship. This can include a goodbye kiss when you leave in the morning and a hug when you return.
Emotional intimacy
While physical intimacy may be the most obvious, emotional intimacy may be the most important.
It's all about communication with your partner: open, honest, and vulnerable communication. Sharing your feelings, dreams, and struggles with your partner can help create a connection. By acting as an emotional sounding board, you and your partner can develop deeper trust, bond, and understanding.
This is the kind of intimacy that provides stability for both of you when the waves get rough. Being emotionally open and able to rely on your partner's honest, supportive feedback can strengthen your bond and improve your entire relationship. Are you struggling to maintain emotional intimacy? Start holding weekly relationship check-ins to discuss how you're feeling and what you can do to support each other.
Intellectual intimacy
While emotional intimacy addresses the "feelings" side of communication, intellectual intimacy covers the mental stimulation side.
Every person in a relationship has different thoughts and feelings. Engaging in conversation regularly with your partner is key to developing intellectual intimacy. It can even be as simple as reading a book, watching a show, or listening to a podcast together and then taking some time to sit down and discuss it.
Chatting about your day, events in the news, or jokingly arguing about opinions helps build comfort and trust between a couple. It also keeps both partners learning and growing, both as individuals and as a unit. Constant growth means your relationship never stagnates.
Experiential intimacy
There are moments and events throughout your life that you probably remember with brilliant clarity. To this day, you still have vivid memories and inside jokes with certain friends, coworkers, or family members. The same goes for relationships.
By enjoying new experiences, you're literally creating memories and simultaneously expanding your horizons as a couple. Experiential intimacy can easily become a fundamental aspect of your relationship.
And it's not necessarily about planning grand adventures for you and your partner all the time. Just spend time together. Go on a trip, try a new running route, or even just cook a new recipe together to help keep things fresh while creating a shared experience.
Spiritual intimacy
Often working hand in hand with other types of intimacy, spiritual intimacy encompasses something a little deeper. Despite its name, spiritual intimacy is not about religion, prayer, or worship, although these can be an aspect of it. Rather, it's about mindfulness and contentment.
Consider those peaceful (or even awe-inspiring) moments in life. Watching a sunset, stargazing in the backyard, standing on a hill overlooking the city, or simply listening to music are spiritually enriching moments you and your partner can share. Anything that brings you peace of mind, a sense of serenity, or quiet contemplation are sources of spiritual intimacy that can deepen your connection as a couple.
Maintaining balance with intimacy levels
Every relationship is different. While each of these five aspects is important for a couple to survive, each will require a different balance to thrive.
Maybe you're a very physical couple, so sex and physical intimacy are the cornerstone of your relationship. That's fine. Or maybe you both enjoy deep, emotional, or intellectual conversations, while the physical aspect is secondary. That's fine too!
As long as you're both happy and not yearning for more, you'll be on the path to longevity. Talk to your partner regularly so you can both monitor the temperature and make sure everyone is happy—and always be open to exploring more!