Do you have a kink or a fetish? How would you even begin to discover it? Increasingly, the two terms are used interchangeably. Both fall outside of what society considers "normal" (who needs normal anyway?). But there's a big difference between them. We spoke with the holistic sex therapist Renée Burwell about the differences and how you can introduce more unique elements into the bedroom and change up your routine.

Before we dive in, Burwell says it's important to keep in mind that "everyone has different things they like, and it's not really anyone's place to pathologize it as long as it's consensual."

If you're considering exploring your kinky side (and Burwell says it's great for people in long-term relationships), find out below if it's right for you.

What is a fetish?

Fetishes aren't as common as you might think. Burwell says, "Fetishes tend to be more diagnostic because they're something you need to have sex." For example, to experience pleasure, you might need a certain type of shoe or fabric to enjoy sex.

Burwell says that one of the most common examples, the foot fetish, isn't really a fetish because it's a part of the body, but many may consider it a fetish because it's not as common as being aroused by breasts or butts. Below are some examples of fetishes:

• Water play: becoming sexually aroused by the thought, sight, taste, or feeling of urine.
• Voyeur: Receiving sexual gratification by watching or listening to other people naked or having sex.
• Zoophilia: a sexual fixation on non-human animals
• Scat play: sexual arousal with fecal matter
• Rainbow game: sexual interest in vomiting.

What is a sprain?

While kinks are still classified as sexually "out of the ordinary," they aren't necessary for a person to have sex—they're simply a great addition. Burwell says kinks are typically "more categorized as BDSM." Most people think this falls into four words, but it's actually six: bondage, dominance or discipline, submissive or sadistic, and masochism. Within BDSM, there are all kinds of kinks you can explore. Here are a few examples:

• String game
• Feathers
• Slavery
• Food
• Wax set
• anal play

Twisted communication

Now that you know the difference between kink and fetish, you can decide if you want to add kinkiness to the bedroom. There are several ways to approach the topic. Burwell recommends watching a kink movie, buying some fantasy items and tell your partner that you want to try something new or introduce new things gradually. Trying new things is good for your health and can prevent or delay dementia. Here's what you should keep in mind when trying a new trick.

Rules of the game

Before you begin, talk to your partner about boundaries. Always have a safe word ready, or if you're gagged, a gesture. When it comes to kinks, many love to use the Red, Yellow, Green method as a means of communication. If you or your partner say "Red," it means stop immediately. If you or they use "Yellow," that means slow down or give them a second to catch their breath. "Green" means keep going. This is a super-simple way to make sure everyone involved feels comfortable.

Communication doesn't stop when you start playing. Burwell says you need to be in sync with your partner and communicate constantly.

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You can start your kinky adventure with simple household items that explore sensory play. Try running an ice cube down your back or tying them up with scarves or sheets. If you find that you enjoy being tied up or tying someone up, check out Bed, Bondage & Beyond , which can be easily hidden, or the Onyx handcuffs , which have a removable closure.

As you ramp up sensory play, try props that can tease and please you or your partner. Start with an item that is versatile, like Tickle & Whip . In addition, he adds Onyx Blindfold since removing a sense can create different forms of excitement.

If you are looking to get into trouble but have some mobility issues, the swing door for frequent travelers is an excellent option. Burwell says this swing is ideal for anyone with lower back issues and will help with proper positioning. He adds that the Sexy Spreader It's also good for accessibility and can create more tension and flexibility with what you're doing.

Aftercare

When trying something new, aftercare is a key part of the experience. Check in with your partner, and let them check in with you. This could include anything from talking to cuddling and massage. Burwell says that after multiple orgasms, the body resets, and this could trigger a depressive reaction. So, make sure both of you are okay after each sexual experience.

When exploring a kink or fetish, Burwell says there are many aspects that are beneficial to any relationship, such as communication and adding fun and novelty. The number one rule is to stay safe and maintain consensus.

Credits:

Tori Tromblay